My kids are getting so excited for Christmas to come that Juniorette couldn't even fall asleep tonight. I'm glad they've somehow ascertained that this is a festive season, since mommy has pretty much dropped the ball. I've been having a flare of the Lyme Disease the past couple of weeks and spent the last three days in bed. I hesitate to share this here, but whatever. You guys have your trials, too, I imagine. And mother guilt have I: The stockings are barely hung, I've baked one round of Suck it, Martha! Cookies (recipe to follow along with bad attitude), and I set Juniorette to work making a Swedish Fish garland, but that's it. And let's face it, what kind of genius hands her seven year old a bag of candy and instructs her to string them, don't eat them? Yeah, that was really going to happen - followed by Junior tearing up the stairs to complain about the inequity of being four. I looked at him, thinking: Dude, you're wearing pink swimming goggles, and you want me to give you string and a needle?
Swedish fish photo from Pastelhearts Flickr page
Back to the guilt: No making of the usual scrappy glitter ornaments and gumdrop wreaths with sticky fingers (although they did bring me glasses of pink lemonade cut with half a glass of sugar this morning. That was sticky.) Homemade cards, cut out snowflakes, not so much. I'm great at putting on The Grinch for the thousandth time and letting them dance around to Lady Gaga. Even better at being intensely irritable and impatient and telling them to go help Daddy. Luckily, I'm married to a wonderful human being and I don't even think they've noticed what a wagon I am (Husband's lovely Irish word for beeotch.) Thank you all for listening; for being such a charming captive audience.
Strawberry coconut cake from Kim's Flickr site.
Suck it, Martha! Cookies (sorry Martha, nothing personal. I'm just pissed off that I don't feel well enough to bake a pink coconut layer cake, which you probably did while having a C-section.)
Bag of small pretzels and several rolls of Rolos
Heat oven to 300. Place pretzels on baking sheet and top each with a Rolo. Bake on middle rack for 5 minutes only. Let cool.
Junior's teacher asked for a family cookie recipe for Christmas and I sent her the Suck it, Martha! recipe (It's Catholic school - I did alter the name a bit.) She sent me back an email that said: "Wow, these are really simple. You're funny!" I think she thought I was joking. She's still waiting for the carmelized raspberry macaroons dipped in dark chocolate and surrounded by a tiny filament of spun sugared peppermint. Dream on, lady.
Photo credits from first picture:
1. I see stars, 2. hot chocolate lollies again!, 3. my pink christmas tree, 4. Christmas Is A Time When You Get Homesick - Even When You're Home, 5. Wonderland, 6. Odette Clothilde, 7. ♥♥Merry Merry♥keh♥♥, 8.Pretty in Pink, 9. Blue Feather Butterfly, 10. C A L O R I E S - W H O . C A R E S ?, 11. r e g a l o, 12. Vintage Christmas Cards, 13. IMG_062714. Not available15. Not available16. Not available