Would this woman scare you? Hell yes! If she offers you a cupcake, RUN!
Day 2 - I'm making chocolate cupcakes with lavender frosting. You can see how the middle of my cupcakes caved in, leaving them with big fat craters. So, what to do - it's 8pm and my cupcakes look like port-a-potties. I decided to send Husband to the corner store for some chocolate pudding which I realize is the confectionary equivalent of Velveeta. Big sigh -sending my Irish husband to a store for anything "American" is always an adventure.
Husband: "Chocolate pudding? Why are you going to put a chocolate cake thing inside your cupcakes? They're already cakes."
Pink: "Honey, it's like asking for directions. Just go to the cashier and say, Where is the... oh, NEVER MIND."
After spooning in some chocolate pudding (he did it - he got the nice sugar filled, plastic packaged, super processed pudding - thanks, honey), I gave up for the night. Oh, and those of you who think it's sweet to bake with kids? Baking with my kids was like handing me a phone number for an adoption agency. After fishing playdough out of the cupcake mix and repeatedly lecturing Junior that butter was not the same as Butt Paste, and telling Juniorette that it was NOT ok to play My Brother is a Chair while on the floor in the middle of the kitchen, I put on Scooby Doo and ordered them not to return.
You can see how Hello Kitty, despite having no mouth, seems to be saying, "I freaking told you to start with room temperature butter!" Time for the frosting. I put an entire pound of sugar into my pink Kitchen-Aid mixer, along with three sticks of (not room temperature) butter and a half teaspoon of vanilla extract. When I tasted it, it was like licking Polident. Cruch, crunch, crunch. Yes, confectioner's sugar is that fine stuff and granulated sugar is - surprise - crunchy, sort of like the definition of "granulated." Frosting apparently requires the cocaine, rather than the kitty litter, of the sugar world. Ah well, live and learn (and I hope you will give me some slack as I try to find my way around the ins and outs of baking stuff other than No Bake cookies!)
Off went the reject frosting, with a nice dollop onto my shoe (thrifted for $3 and never worn. I never miss a chance to highlight a thrifting score, do I?) Don't you hate when people take photos of their shoes and put them in blogs or books? Me too!
Off to the store I went for the cocaine sugar and returned to make a lovely frosting, which I tried to match to Husband's I'm Confident in My Manhood tie. Clearly, my dye job can't compete with David's Bridals. You know, those apricot satin shoes that match the apricot taffeta dress which matches the apricot thong and scrunchie? Better not quit my day job.
Time to crystalize the edible flowers with egg white and water. This calls for kitchen tweezers, whatever those are. Anyway, I used tweezers from my medicine cabinet. Sure, they're for my eyebrows but what's a little antibacterial soap among friends? And let's face it, we're lucky I didn't bust out a needle driver from a suture kit! Oh no, I need a paintbrush, too? Always read the directions beforehand, seems to be an important lesson today (shut up, Husband.) Don't worry, I painted the egg white mixture on with a very clean paintbrush. I wonder if anyone will look at my cupcakes and say, "Hell NO! Those flowers look like you used your eyebrow tweezers on them. Back off, Sistah!"
Then, I was admiring my handiwork and what happened? I knocked over the box of Superfine sugar. What - a third type of sugar? you ask. Oh Pink, did you have to run out to the store again? Yes ma'am, I sure did. This stuff is slightly more crunchy that the cocaine sugar but you know, I'm really trying to learn here, and there was no way I was going to stiff my eyebrow tweezer sugar flowers out of their rightful accoutrement.
The next post will be about my encounters while trying to give away the cupcakes. One encounter involves Brussels sprouts and I have certainly found out that I'm a bit oversensitive when it comes to giving away my cupcakes. And don't worry, the cupcakes will become prettier with experience and hopefully I'll do a better job of including my kids in the process.
I'll leave you with this, though. I saved a cupcake for Husband and he had it with his usual evening cup of Irish tea. And- Oh no you di-nt - he told me that the "topping" (the super wonderful buttercream frosting, the same stuff which caused me to almost pass out from ecstasy while in Magnolia Bakery) was... TOO RICH. Coming soon to a theatre near you: Jackass: The Husband.